<WhereWe> Nothing happens.
<sgrunt> > xyzzy
<IllFlower> sgrunt: You fall through a trap door! You land in a large underground cave, lit only by oil lamps. A faded piece of parchment reads "moderator to-do list".
<sgrunt> > read parchment
<IllFlower> sgrunt: Beneath the header are three items labeled "fix bugs", "ban people", and "restore the majesty of the Empire". The first two items are struck through.
<sgrunt> > i
<IllFlower> sgrunt: Your inventory contains one copy of The Pocket Guide to the TV Tropes Historical Caverns, and a flashlight.
<sgrunt> > read guide
<IllFlower> sgrunt: There are a couple of pages of currently irrelevant information, as well as the notation "beware the cookie monster".
<sgrunt> > what is a cookie monster
<IllFlower> sgrunt: Perhaps you should ask Elmo instead.
<sgrunt> > exits
<IllFlower> sgrunt: There is one exit, to what we'll pretend is the south because you don't have a compass with which to confirm this anyway.
<sgrunt> > s
<IllFlower> sgrunt: You walk through the passageway, but bump into a young-looking British fellow on your way out. His name tag reads "Bobby". He is carrying an unlabeled book.
<sgrunt> > bobby, hello
<IllFlower> sgrunt: "Hello. Do I know you?"
<sgrunt> > bobby, where am I?
<IllFlower> sgrunt: "You are in the modcave. We used to have a bunker, but someone took the name a little too seriously during the last remodeling. Who are you, if you don't mind my asking?"
<sgrunt> > bobby, sgrunt.
<IllFlower> sgrunt: "Hm... I suppose you're a new moderator, then.  Welcome. Here's your key." He hands you a small card with a magnetic stripe on one side.
<sgrunt> > examine key
<IllFlower> sgrunt: Aside from the magnetic stripe, the surface is entirely blank and white.
<sgrunt> > bobby, I don't think I am a moderator.
<IllFlower> sgrunt: "Nonsense! How could you be in the modcave otherwise? Everyone with access here is a moderator."
<sgrunt> > bobby, xyzzy
<IllFlower> sgrunt: You are sucked back through the trap door that you fell through! You land on the ceiling of a small office.  Somehow.
<sgrunt> > remove ceiling tile
<IllFlower> sgrunt: You remove one of the ceiling tiles. There is some fiberglass insulation on the other side, which falls onto the floor "above" your head.
<sgrunt> > plugh
<IllFlower> sgrunt: TV Tropes crashes! Your simulated reality goes down with it and your mind is lost in the Matrix forever. *** YOU HAVE GONE BRAINDEAD ***
<sgrunt> > quit
<IllFlower> sgrunt: [sgrunt@localhost ~]$
<sgrunt> $ ls
<IllFlower> sgrunt: bin/, public_html/, stuff/ ... [sgrunt@localhost ~]$
<sgrunt> $ sudo rm -rf /
<IllFlower> sgrunt: Password:
<sgrunt> swordfish
<IllFlower> sgrunt: sgrunt is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported. ... [sgrunt@localhost ~]$
<sgrunt> $ shutdown -h now
*** sgrunt was kicked from #yackfest by IllFlower [Broadcast message from sgrunt@localhost: ** The system is going down NOW **]